So my not so obvious realization of the day, life sucks. Well actually I realized it a little more like a week ago.

A couple of Fridays ago I was told I was being forced to move out, that was really bad news at first, but I had time to get a job, get a place to live etc.

However Last Tuesday I was kicked out of the house, why? Because my mom has mental issues, Not kidding she does. She suffers from Anxiety and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, and she's actually faily Paranoid I would say.

I personally suffer from depression, which means this is going to to me a world of good to be kicked out of my house *cough* Sarcasm *cough*. In a more Direct way of saying it, I feel pretty damn Shitty.

In about a Week I've had more sucidal thoughts/impulses than I've probably had in the last couple of months, especially since the weekend because I've been couch surfing (I spent tuesday to thursay at a friend but I couldn't stay there over the weekend due to them having relatives over and already having a big family).

Now I've gotten a little sick of couch surfing after spending the night at two different friend's houses, and I was far too depressed yesterday (sunday) to even bother with actually finding a place to spend that night.

I tried sleeping underneath a small roof/alcove thing to an unused entrance to the big Library, Even with my sleep meds, I Couldn't actually relax enough to even fall asleep. So at around 11:30ish I left there after the rain had stopped for a little while.

I went to the house where I lived and tried sneaking in through my bedroom window. Unfortunate I really couldn't even bother with that because of the 4 dogs that live in the house as they would bark, so I stopped and left. (Even if I made it into my bedroom they would have found out I was there and been all excited and made a bunch of noise, so no sneaking there).

I the biked from my house down to the lake close by (ABout a 15 bike ride, spencer smith's park for those that live here with me) and pretty much just sat and watched the storm on the other side of the lake.

A little while Later I decided to go back to my house. Once I got there I put my bike in teh backyard, and then noticed that my bed has been put outside for garbage purposes(it was broken but we clearly don't have a replacement for me) so that started up a mental breakdown because that pretty much lowers my chances of being able to live back at home. Afterwards I went through the garage and started trying to sleep in the basement on the futon. Didn't really work. A little bit later I heard my mom and her Fiance come home(the one who walked out of the house partly because I apparently cause so much tension in the house.)

With them coming home I decided to head to the garage again and had a mini-mental breakdown. I then decided to grab the Foam matress I saw and put that ontop of the garage's cement floor to fall asleep. I grabbed a blanket and pillow from inside and drifted off to sleep eventually without anyone noticing me(I think anyways).

I woke up this morning to my Mom taking the dogs outside to the backyard and stuff. I waited until she was done outside and the dogs were brought back inside before I dressed and then left after I put the stuff I had used back(A make-shift bed on the garage floor would be supicious).

So today after a meeting with somebody from an organization that's going to help me out I'm actually suppossed to talk to my Mom about living back at home again(No idea if she even remembers that we are suppossed to talk today) but I don't see that happening for a few reasons.

1)Everyone in the house seems to have been enjoying themselves
2) Her Mental issues are still a problem
3)Her Fiance is back with her and living with her again and she'll probably think that me living back at home is going to prevent him from staying
4) She;s allready Thrown my bed out of my room.

So in conclusion Life really sucks and I'm not in a very good mood about it.
Also I did get $100 on friday that's suppossed to be lasting me awhile, but because I don't actually have a home and am Couch surfing I can't really buy groceries(I don't have a bag that can fit that and bike them around with me) so I've had to buy fast food in order to eat. I've blow through $55 on nothing but fast food...... And that's stressing me out.